We learned in the May 24, 2005 edition of The New York Times that advances in technology have not resulted in lowered average scores for golfers.
We have over-size drivers, irons made of space-age materials for lightness, highly engineered putters, better golf tees, unlimited opportunities for instruction, cable TV channels devoted entirely to golf, and so on and so forth.
However, “The average 18-hole score for the average golfer remains about 100, as it has for decades, according to the National Golf Foundation, an industry research and consulting service.”
As reported in the NYT, the theories on why golfers are not improving range from “life pressures, psychological demons, the changing family unit, the flood of baby boomer retirees, even post-Sept. 11 effects.” Dr. Bob Rotella “wonders if people are thinking too much.”
A number of my friends were not surprised by the NYT article, and they asked me for my thoughts on the matter. Golf scores are not improving because golfers
(a) have not had access to the important truths contained in the Golfnostic Gospels and
(b) have not been made aware of many game-improving insights available from the disciplines of geometry, physics, cosmology, philosophy, and anthropology, and also from the field of paranormal phenomena.
This article will give the reader a brief introduction to the recently discovered Golfnostic Gospels, and set forth one of the most ancient truths contained in those texts.
The Golfnostic Gospels (“GGs”) were unearthed last year in caves near the northern Egyptian City of El Sandtrapya.
The GGs are hitherto unknown secret writings which describe the Second Century doctrinal disputes between Caddyus the Upright Prophet and Paul the Great Associationist.
To date, only a small portion of the GGs has been translated into English. However, we now have definitive proof that golf evolved from the early practice of shepherds who, out of great boredom, began to hit rocks with their staffs.
The activity was eventually refined to a contest whereby the shepherds would try to hit their rocks as close as possible to a distant target.
The shepherds of one tribe known as the Wandering Wackerites lost all perspective and became so fascinated with this activity that many of their sheep died from being hit by flying rocks and many neglected Wackerite wives petitioned for what we now call divorce (these were the first recorded divorces in the history of mankind).
The tribe became extinct due to the lack of wool and mutton, fatal neck injuries sustained by many of the men from swinging staffs with large crooks at the upper ends, and the extremely high divorce rate that resulted in fewer and fewer children.
I hope you enjoyed the first of the Jack-Long-articles
The other articles in the series can be found by clicking the links below.
Jack Long2
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