Jacks Back with another great golf article
The Jack-Long articles, this is the continuing story of the history of golf according to Jack.
Jack Long . . . Facts, Fiction, Hope
COLD WAR-ERA GOLF INTRIGUE: SOVIET INFILTRATION OF THE “INNER HEIST”(A SUBURBAN PHILADELPHIA QUAKER MOTOR CYCLE GANG)
This article deviates somewhat from my usual work. It tells the story of Cold War-era intrigue that involved some of the 2nd Century truths related to golf. Even though the story contains some information that was discussed in earlier articles, it is a story that finally needs to be told.
In the fourth Article Click here of this series, we learned about the author’s attempts to verify Caddyus’ theorem E = MC (which turned out to be the basis for Albert Einstein’s famous equation E = MC2).
Caddyus, you will recall, was a 2nd Century prophet whose teachings about golf - then called Feriosaxum (literally, to hit the rock) - are contained in the Golfnostic Gospels. Caddyus claimed that the energy necessary for effective golf shots was a function of motion and inner confidence.
Caddyus’ archrival, Paul the Great Associationist (PGA), discounted the inner confidence component of Caddyus’ theorem, arguing that success at golf depended primarily on the possession of many manuals and implements, specialized sandals, rituals, superstitions, memberships in many organizations, etc.
You may also recall that this author’s attempt in the early 1960s to verify Caddyus’ theorem by using advanced calculus, was frustrated by the work of the Quaker motorcycle gang known as the Inner Heist. Well, there is much more to the Inner Heist story than was revealed in the fourth article.
In 1961, unbeknownst to me, the Soviets, through their agents in the Middle East, had obtained portions of the Golfnostic Gospels and completed their own analysis of Caddyus’ theorem. Based on a reference by Caddyus to certain 2nd Century shepherds who used short wooden staffs to hit their round rocks accurately over shorter distances (the Caneite Shepherds), Soviet scientists in Niblickvostock concluded that Caddyus’ theorem was valid when short lengths of wood were used to strike a round rock, because the shorter wood could transmit confidence to the various pauses and motions associated with hitting a rock on an accurate trajectory.
As an example of one of the practical applications of this knowledge, the Soviets proved conclusively that the use of a wooden rifle stock (as opposed to a lightweight metal stock) increased the accuracy of mid-range Soviet marksmen by 66%. This research was addressed in the fifth article, in which I claimed that some players should consider using wooden putters because of the paranormal, confidence transmitting quality of wood. If you haven’t read the fifth article, I recommend it to you. Jack Long 5
Somehow, the Soviets learned that I was also working on a proof of Caddyus’ theorem. They apparently believed that if I were permitted to continue my work, it would only be a matter of time before I realized that a piece of wood between 2’ - 4’ in length played an essential (but, previously unrecognized) paranormal importance in the truth of the theorem.
In other words, the “inner confidence” component of the theorem was valid for shorter shots when the player a used a relatively short, wooden staff, which “transmitted” the player’s confidence to the backswing, swing, strike, follow-through and, importantly, the trajectory of the ball.
Because of the significant military value of this information, the Soviets did not want me to succeed in verifying Caddyus’ theorem, fearing that I might possibly discover the paranormal “transmission” qualities of wood, and give that information to the United States government. The question for the Soviets then became, “How do we stop Jack Long without creating an international incident, and without disclosing our intense interest in Caddyus’ theorem as it relates to the transmission qualities of wood?”
The great Soviet agent, Boris Bogeyovitch, was tasked with finding a way to stop my work. He developed a devious plan whereby it would be virtually impossible for the authorities to trace the sabotage of my work back to the Soviets.
His plan was to infiltrate the Quaker motorcycle gang, the Inner Heist, and use them and their resources to steal my collection of imaginary numbers, the most important tool of calculus at my disposal in trying to verify Caddyus’ theorem (this was covered in the fourth article).
He assumed the clever alias “Boris Meditationovich”, bought a motorcycle and black leather jacket, and, after a rigorous, silent initiation, was allowed to ride with the Inner Heist.
He managed to convince his fellow gang-members that the Golfnostic Gospels contained hidden criticisms of Quietism (not true), that I was an agent of the more vocal branch of Quakerism (also not true), and that I had to be stopped.
As previously reported, the Inner Heist did steal my collection of imaginary numbers from my girlfriend’s home in Wayne, Pennsylvania, and my research was stymied for more than forty years.
In 1987, many years later, the members of the Inner Heist learned that they had been duped and used by the Soviets to stop with my research work. In 1988, the Inner Heist disbanded, giving the substantial balance in its dues account to foreign educational organizations. Unfortunately, we have not been able to locate my collection of imaginary numbers.
This is one of the many Cold War stories of danger and high intrigue that are just coming to light. I believe that it is one of the few episodes that links golf with Cold War espionage and sabotage.
Fortunately, the Cold War is behind us, and I was able to pretty much complete my work proving the validity of Caddyus’ theorem, using some of that work to develop important observations and theories (such as, for example, theories related to the 2nd Century basis for the idea of “inner confidence”; motion during the swing, including the putt; and the benefit to some golfers of using wooden putters).
Jack Long is a golf-theorist and founder of The Paranormal Golf InstituteÔ. He is working on a series of articles based in part upon:Cold War research documents in the field of paranormally controlled trajectories (PCT), documents recently discovered in the archives of the PCT Institute in Niblickvostock in the former Soviet Union; andHis own, and other recent translations of the Golfnostic Gospels unearthed last year in caves near the northern Egyptian city of El Sandtrapya.
6-Cold War Golf Intrigue.12-10-05-B. No part of this article may be used or reproduced in any manner whatsoever without written permission from Jack Long, PGI, 192 College Street, Burlington, VT 05401.
You can read the reat of the Jack-Long articles by clicking the links below.
Fourth in the series
Fifth in the series
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