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Jack Long . . . Facts, Fiction, Hope

Late last Thursday evening, I was studying the very thorough “Club Test 2006” article in the May 2006 edition of Golf Magazine.

The article is a buyer’s guide that “reveals the good, the bad and the ugly in brutally honest appraisals” of approximately 35 drivers, hybrids, irons, and fairway woods.

The write-up on each club includes a good picture of the club head, a brief description by the manufacturer, and the “Pros” and “Cons” from a couple of the 40 Club Testers. I had to make extensive notes in order to try and keep track of the differences between the clubs in each category.

It was getting late, and I was tired. While I was reading a Club Tester’s “Con” remarks about a new driver, I read that “The most common side effects in adults were diarrhea (3.8%), abdominal pain (2.1%) and nausea (1.3%).” I sat up with a jolt.

How was possible that a driver could have these side effects on a player?

My mind began to race: Would the Rules have to be changed to allow players who used this driver the time necessary to run to the bathroom after each drive?

Would there be chaos on our courses? It just didn’t make any sense. I got up, went to the kitchen, rubbed my eyes, shook my head and took a big gulp of water. I went back to the magazine and realized that in my drowsiness, my eyes had drifted from the page I was reading to an advertisement for Prevacid® on the facing page.

I was relieved.

I went to bed. In one of my dreams that night, I had a lengthy conversation with either Dr. Joyce Brothers or Cher as to whether the new golf clubs might have unwanted physical or psychological side effects. See Article No. 9 for a discussion of the interpretation of golf dreams.

The next evening, I went back to work, trying to get a handle on the differences between all of the clubs. As I kept reading, it dawned on me – probably as a result of my dream - that perhaps some of these new clubs may have unwanted physical and/or psychological “side effects”. Here are some of the actual quotes from the “Con” remarks for certain clubs (if you don’t believe me, please read the article for yourself):

“It’s great if you need slice correction. Otherwise, the closed face made it scary to hit.” Who wants to go around the course being afraid of your own club? Players need to stay calm and mindful of their inner game. See Article No. 1, which addresses both technology and the inner game of golf.

“A struggle to control.” Who wants to play with a club that’s out of control? Can you imagine the embarrassment of having a physical altercation with a club that refuses to be taken out of, or put back into your bag?

The “rings on the crown are distracting at address.” Who can afford to be distracted? And, there is much evidence to suggest that certain graphics can be a source of headaches, blurred vision, agitation, and nearsightedness.

“A dull, muted feel.” Who among us wants to feel dull and/or muted while we are trying desperately to be optimistic and enthusiastic about the next swing?

“I thought I’d smoked a few that didn’t get the carry I expected.” This club could easily distract some golfers who went to college in the 1960s, by diverting their attention from golf to marijuana, encouraging a renewed addiction to an illegal, medically unhealthy drug.

“Whispers in your ear rather than screaming in your face.” I don’t want anyone or anything whispering in my ear when I’m using my irons. I have enough problems.

This club presents a source of potential distraction and/or annoyance. (However, see Article No. 2 with respect to the potential benefit of experiencing some “annoyance” while putting.

“Good shots are not as rewarding feel-wise as they should be.” We need to be rewarded by our clubs once in a while, not punished by them.

“I would prefer more feedback.” Why would we want to use a club that deprives us of information? (Feedback, as it relates to the use of wooden putters, was discussed in Article No. 6.)

“Mis-hits are sometimes numbing.” Clearly, it is not a good idea to try and play golf when you are physically or emotionally numb.

“Cosmetically challenged and lacking in length, but full of feel, playability and accuracy.” I am cosmetically challenged and kind of on the short side. So, why would I want to use a club that makes me feel inadequate by reminding me of my complexion and height? I want to feel confident and hopeful.

Well, you get the point. It may be appropriate – perhaps even necessary - for golf club manufacturers to give us the kind of warning notices provided by pharmaceutical companies. We need to know what to expect when we use some of these new clubs.

However, I encourage you to embrace new technology, keeping in mind both the possible “side effects” and the importance of the inner game. Again, I refer you to Article No. 1 with respect to technology versus “the inner game”.

Endnote: Jack Long is a golf-theorist and founder of The Paranormal Golf Institute. He is working on a series of articles based in part upon:

Cold War research documents in the field of paranormally controlled trajectories (PCT), documents recently discovered in the archives of the PCT Institute in Niblickvostock in the former Soviet Union; and

His own, and other recent translations of the Golfnostic Gospels unearthed last year in caves near the northern Egyptian city of El Sandtrapya.

No part of this article may be used or reproduced in any manner whatsoever without written permission from Jack Long, PGI, 192 College Street, Burlington, VT 05401.

The Author Jack Long would really appreciate any comments you care to make or indeed any ideas you may have for an article.

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The other articles in the series can be found by clicking the links below.

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Jack Long10